ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
