There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dicks are not precious.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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