I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
