i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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