are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
