tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
