Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
