I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
