Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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