dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
