i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...