just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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