Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
