All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.