I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom