We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
