Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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