a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
