its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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