Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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