no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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