I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
