Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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