No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
