I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
