i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my shit smells like andre
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
