I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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