It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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