First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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