I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is the high leading the old right now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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