I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize