You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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