If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
