I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
