I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
