I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
