Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
