I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
