morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
