lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
