a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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