Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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