i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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