Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Alive.
So much puke
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
