Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
