I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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