i think i have two assholes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
