problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize