So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
