I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
