Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
