he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My feet surprised me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
