I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's blow job season.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
