Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
