put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
