Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
