Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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