some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
