Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
