Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
