I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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