I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
