Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
