Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They took my balls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
