Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
