Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
