Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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