I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize