sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
