He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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