You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
