Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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