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Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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