I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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