I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
