DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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