you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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