just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
