when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
