If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize