Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
