We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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