so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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