Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
